Posted by: Diesel at February 27, 2009 11:58 AM (b/xwd)

So, you want to Search for Chuck Norris, huh? I don't think you'll find him.

That's funny, right there, I don't care who you are.

Posted by: Ogre at 04:04 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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You can't imagine how true this one really is.

Posted by: Ogre at 05:08 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I know it's a fake and old, but it's still darn funny:

(H/T to Kender).

Posted by: Ogre at 05:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 It took me a minute, but I finally got it. I love it! Thanks for posting this.

Posted by: K T Cat at October 20, 2007 11:55 AM (KDU/K)

2 Hehe. Thanks for stopping along.

Posted by: Ogre at October 20, 2007 01:08 PM (wkwq7)

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Courtesy of Dextre Tripp at the Carolina Renaissance Festival:

Q. How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

A. Soak it in lighter fluid and light it up: It will go "woof."

Q. How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

A. Freeze it and put it on a band saw and it will go "merrrrowwwww"

Posted by: Ogre at 08:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Lincoln, RI. After last call at the Lodge, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off - it was a fine, dry summer night- flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road headed toward 146. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud driver. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

(From Raven.)

Posted by: Ogre at 06:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This is scary accurate:

I've taken these tests before, and I've ended up INTJ before. Heck, in the blogrolls listings here, there's an INTJ blogroll even. But this page listed a few quotes about the personality of an INTJ -- and they're just dead-on accurate for me. So, for those who want more information about me, here you go:

"To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how."

I'm often told that I'm arrogant and I understand it's self-confidence. And if you want help in areas where I'm good, I do know right away whether I can help you or if you should head somewhere else. Working in computers, I get lots and lots of questions all the time that I respond to very quickly.

"INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency. "

I can't count how many times people have told me that I'm a good leader -- despite how much I really don't WANT to be a leader. And this is why I am often asked and told to get more into politics -- because despite me not wanting to be an elected official, people see that I would be very good at it.

Found at Raven's who found it at Kat's.

Posted by: Ogre at 07:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This looks like something that might be found on a government building.

Posted by: Ogre at 07:06 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I think these are the hours posted for the North Carolina DMV offices...

Posted by: Ogre at 07:04 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 LMAO! Perfect for government

Posted by: William Teach at September 25, 2007 12:58 PM (NaHh8)

2 I see you've tried to go there, too.

Posted by: Ogre at September 25, 2007 01:02 PM (oifEm)

3 When I had to get a new licsence in 2000, I went to the place on Capital Blvd in Raleigh. Got there early enough. Sat there for about an 1 1/2, little progress. Said, screw it, especially since there were NO BATHROOMS!!!!! at the time. Went out, got lunch, came back 2 hours later, on a lark. Still had my ticket. Waited another 1/2, finally was able to see someone. Just rediculous.

Posted by: William Teach at September 25, 2007 10:52 PM (NaHh8)

4 Government efficiency at it's best. But hey, all those illegals in line in front of you got licenses, at least (and registered to vote)!

Posted by: Ogre at September 26, 2007 12:25 AM (QmAYF)

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This is what "free range carts" are capable of:

Posted by: Ogre at 02:02 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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So, doesn't this just make you want to run out and buy a pair of these?

Posted by: Ogre at 05:05 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 LOL!

Posted by: vw bug at September 21, 2007 08:28 PM (FPOeI)

2 Hey thats a pair of granny panties! Wheres the thong???

Posted by: Raven at September 22, 2007 01:06 AM (2N9m8)

3 testing. chillary??? LOL!!

Posted by: Raven at September 22, 2007 01:07 AM (2N9m8)

4 If your granny wears those...

Posted by: Ogre at September 22, 2007 01:16 AM (QmAYF)

5 lol those are TOO big for me. And they look uncomfy. ick. THONGS!!!

Posted by: Raven at September 22, 2007 01:18 AM (2N9m8)

6 So did you even notice the mud?

Posted by: Ogre at September 22, 2007 01:19 AM (QmAYF)

7 Ogre, I must object to you posting these dirty pictures. Wash the bus then repost please.

Posted by: David at September 22, 2007 01:37 AM (NF1sY)

8 I did think about titling this "dirty picture."

Posted by: Ogre at September 22, 2007 01:39 AM (QmAYF)

9 Sort of goes along with the other post above -- "Don't even think about farting in the forrest!" I think someone had lunch at Taco Bell.

Posted by: Wuptdo at September 24, 2007 06:11 PM (axYNA)

10 mmMMmmm....Tacos... I had a beef and bean burrito, too.

Posted by: Ogre at September 24, 2007 07:04 PM (oifEm)

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For those who are new visitors to Ogre's Politics and Views, welcome to Friday! The schedule here is pretty standard -- in the mornings there's posts about North Carolina State government. In the late mornings and early afternoons, commentary about national politics or other issues. In the later afternoons, something a little lighter.

Then, on Fridays, we start with the silliness a bit earlier. If you've had a bad week, hopefully I can make you smile. So without further delay, The Cat Came Back (with more general sillines coming later this afternoon):

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that bum on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"

Posted by: Ogre at 04:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I just found out from an insider that when you buy a big SUV, they give you special glasses. Those glasses enable only SUV drivers to see special signs like this one:

Posted by: Ogre at 07:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I wonder if Teach has one of these for today?

Posted by: Ogre at 07:02 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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How about a new cell phone?

Posted by: Ogre at 05:08 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1. Why did the llama cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off.

2. What did the camel say to the llama?

Let me teach you how to spit.

3. What did the llama have for dinner?

Llama-ables

4.What did the pellet say to the llama?

Don't eat me

5.What did they llama say to the blade of grass?

Nice knawing you!

6. What did the llama say to his friend?

Is your mama a llama?

7. Why arn't llamas in rodeos?

`Cause they ain't ticklish!

8. Why did the llama fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead

Posted by: Ogre at 07:08 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 bwhahahaaah!

Posted by: Angel at September 16, 2007 05:37 AM (JZaUN)

2 Glad you liked 'em!

Posted by: Ogre at September 17, 2007 09:22 AM (QmAYF)

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It's been quite awhile, so I think it's about time to renew it. Here it is, the original:

more...

Posted by: Ogre at 05:07 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Proof that radical environmentalism is a mental illness.

Posted by: Echo Zoe at September 05, 2007 11:03 PM (nIDjA)

2 We needed more proof?

Posted by: Ogre at September 06, 2007 01:15 AM (durxh)

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