On October 24, 2005, Bill Clinton had an interview with Greta Van Susteren of Fox News. Once again, I know many of my good readers here at Ogre's Politics and Views do not have the time to read all the news and information that exists. So we're happy to provide a summary and translation of the transcript.

*** BEGIN TRANSLATION OF TRANSCRIPT

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, HOST: Oh (swooning), oh, oh. (deep breath, pause) OH. Dear, sweet, honorable Mr. Wonderful...err, I mean, Mr. President...

BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND THE BEST PRESIDENT THAT EVER EXISTED AND WHO SHOULD BE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD: Please, call me Bill.

GRETA FAINTS.

*** 3-minute pause for technical difficulties *** RESUME TRANSCRIPT

GRETA (looking rather flushed): Ah. Ok. Bill. Oh. Please say something wonderful.

SUPER-PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON: Let me tell you, Greta, I really feel the pain of the people in New Orleans. I mean, you know I love them. All of them. I watched all the coverage on CNN of the storm, and I'm sad. At the same time, I'm proud of them. They're really taking the government's money without being forced to. That's so nice to see them so willing to take handouts. I know the city will be rebuilt, no matter what.

GRETA: Oh my. Well, Bill (giggles), how is that possible? I mean, Bush just said he won't spend any money, and you know the Evil Republicans won't spend even a dollar.

THE GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER: Oh that hasn't stopped us before! I mean, don't you remember the great years while I was president? I gave money to anyone who had anything happen to them. Back in 1991, I gave money to that woman with the dog that got run over by a government car -- remember that? I was on TV you know.

GRETA: But, but... And I don't want to ask you this, Bill (swoon), but I'm told I have to. Where will we get the money? The Evil Republicans in Congress are claiming there's a shortfall.

KING BILL (HE'S THE BLACK PRESIDENT, YOU KNOW): Oh, that's easy. If Bush would do what I did -- raise taxes as much as possible -- he'd have all the money he needs. If Bush would stop spending money on the military and cut military, defense, and intelligence agency funding -- like I did -- there'd be plenty of cash to give these people. It won't hurt the economy. We can raise taxes at least 20% and reduce that spending and the economy will be fine.

GRETA: Of course. You really are brilliant, you know.

EMPEROR BILL: I know.

GRETA: And I voted for you.

THE SUPREME LEADER: Thank you.

GRETA: Wait, I have to read the cue card over there...How do we make sure the money given away is used for the "right" purposes.

THE SUPREME BEING, BILL: Oh, that's easy. A... Ak... Acck... I'm sorry, I can't read that word. What is it?

(VOICE OFF SET): Accountability!

ONCE-AND-ALWAYS PRESIDENT: Never heard of it. Anyway, Greta, we just spend the money the way we want to. We could create all sort of new federal jobs and federal positions. Then we'll let the federal people spend the money, because they can be trusted because they're government. Just make sure that no Republican companies get the money, and all will be fine.

GRETA: On Tuesday, The Most Honorable and Great Mayor of New Orleans, a Black Mayor who can do no wrong, said that 3,000 city employees have to be laid off. Isn't that just incredibly sad?

PRESIDENT FOR LIFE: Oh, it's very sad (wipe a tear). Most of them are black, you know, and that makes it worse because I'm black, too. You know, there's other governments that have money in places like Alabama, and those governments could pay the salaries of those 3,000 employees if they wanted to. And since they're black, other governments and Congress should build them houses, too, even if they don't have jobs.

GRETA: It's really worse here than it looks on TV, isn't it?

RULER OF THE UNIVERSE: Oh yes. And let me say that you guys have done a great job covering this, especially you, Greta. You know, I once lived in New Orleans, did you know that? I lived in Fats Domino's basement when I was on the city council here. It's so sad, but you did a great job in coverage, especially the way you looked into the camera.

GRETA: Oh, thank you so much, dear Bill.

*** VERY QUICK END TO TRANSCRIPT BEFORE OTHER THINGS WERE BROADCAST THAT WOULD REQUIRE "R" RATINGS.

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