There's no need to pay your heating bill in North Carolina this year. Gubn'r Easley, King of North Carolina, has made
that all the taxpayers of North Carolina will give him money that he will use to buy heat. He will then distribute the heat to those he deems royally worthy.
In addition, since there are not enough working people left in the state to pay for all the heat he wants to buy, he has decided that the power companys, who are also ruled by the king, will also pay millions of dollars for his heating program.
There are no exact outlines drawn to determine which of his 8 million subjects will be given the heat that he decides to distribute. It is estimated that the king will select about 70,000 people who will be beneficiaries of his free winter heat program -- only that he will expect renewed fealty to be sworn to him and his successors after he gives them the gift.
1
You heartless Ogre, you! You'd let those poor old people and destitute freeze? *kidding*
Actually, this really upsets me. Mostly because it is 32 degrees and snowing right now and I have a broken furnace which I have been trying for three weeks to get fixed (as I have a toddler at home) and which hasn't yet been fixed. . . Heads will roll today!
Posted by: oddybobo at November 17, 2005 08:57 AM (6Gm0j)
2
How do I get to be King? I'll take some free Air Conditioning while at it... GRIN
Posted by: vw bug at November 17, 2005 09:48 AM (2+gaO)
3
Since it is 5 degrees here, maybe moving to NC wouldn't be a bad idea. Not only is it warmer outside, but I can get my house heated for free too.
Crank up the thermostat! No need to set it at 65 degrees if someone else is paying for it. Make it 75!
Posted by: Echo Zoe at November 17, 2005 09:53 AM (K+h36)
4
I remember last winter when a number of states added laws that said that power companies couldn't turn off heat to customers who didn't pay their bills. So yes, why bother? If you don't pay, what happens? Nothing. Oh, maybe you'll get a hit on your credit report, but that's about all.
And heck, if the king likes you, he'll just pay your bill for you.
And VW, to be king, you have to annointed in North Carolina. The sucessor to the current king is the NC Attorney General. He did the most sucking up to the current king, so he gets hand-picked to be the next king. When you're king, people try to win your favor so that you will be selected next king.
Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 10:06 AM (/k+l4)
5
Now all those who want free heat can leave Texas and come to North Carolina and impress the king - - then it's all free!!
Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 11:08 AM (/k+l4)
6
Free Heat my ass, not if I'm paying for it.
Posted by: Contagion at November 17, 2005 06:41 PM (Q5WxB)
7
Well, you're not paying taxes in North Carolina, so it's questionable if you're actually paying for it. Odds are you ARE, because I'm betting NC is using some federal funds, too, but I'm not sure...
Posted by: Ogre at November 17, 2005 07:59 PM (7PCNv)
8
Well, okay, technically *I* am not paying for it... But if I lived in NC, I know I would be, because I sure the hell wouldn't qualify.
So that means you probably are paying for it. Do you think it's free?
Posted by: Contagion at November 18, 2005 08:39 AM (Q5WxB)
9
I know better. But that's how the king is selling it, of course. And it's for the children, after all...
Posted by: Ogre at November 18, 2005 08:59 AM (/k+l4)
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