Divorce is wrong. Everyone should know that. Why is it so common in today's society? It's wrong. Period. God, who created marriage, said it's wrong, what more do you need? Jesus said it was wrong, but went even further -- saying that even lust is wrong.

I don't care what you see in America today. I don't care what you've been told, what your parents did, or what you'd like to see. You should refrain from physical adultery or sex outside of marriage. Period. We are not to commit adultery in our minds by lusting after another person. In addition, we should not cause anyone else to commit adultery.

I remember once seeing in a movie set in the 1500s where there was a clear situation in which a man and woman were not meant for one another, where they didn't like one another, but they had been married. It was shown where the woman and another man were very much in love. They proved to the Queen that they were not meant for one another. They asked the Queen for a divorce. Then queen replied, "What God has joined together, man must not separate."

It really is that simple.

Tips for males:
When you look at a woman, look at her face.
If you find yourself thinking impure thoughts, think of something else.
Do not be discouraged by problems and maritial difficulties.
Build a relationship based on love and respect.
Recognize that no one person can meet all of your needs; only God can and He will.

Tips for females:
Dress in a way that invites people to look at your face, not your body.
Reject the cultural pressures to be defined by how you look.
Consciously make the decision not to flirt or fantasize.
Build a relationship that encourages your husband and helps you to grow.
Recognize that no one person can meet all of your needs; only God can and He will.

Why not do what's right?

Posted by: Ogre at 07:48 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 336 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I think a good exception is abuse, Ogre. Nobody should have to tolerate abuse.

Posted by: Bou at June 12, 2005 08:41 PM (z7nbM)

2 That's certainly a tough one -- and I think that's one that can be best avoided with prior planning.

Posted by: Ogre at June 12, 2005 08:44 PM (i5VG6)

3 Great post Ogre. I would have to chime in with another excuse and that would be adultery.

Posted by: Two Dogs at June 12, 2005 09:17 PM (gxDJU)

4 Prior planning? As in, "I plan to blow his brains out when he beats me?" Just wonderin'...

Posted by: Bou at June 12, 2005 09:27 PM (z7nbM)

5 And for the record, I would not divorce my husband over adultery and he knows it.

Posted by: Bou at June 12, 2005 09:27 PM (z7nbM)

6 In prior planning, I was referring to PRE-marriage. Adultery is the only legitimate reason for divorce. That's just one reason it should be so stringently avoided in all it's forms. Even those that cause others to commit adultery are as guilty as those who commit it themselves.

Posted by: Ogre at June 12, 2005 09:29 PM (i5VG6)

7 Wait. So beating your wife is not grounds for divorce, but infidelity is?

Posted by: Bou at June 12, 2005 09:57 PM (z7nbM)

8 This reminds me of why I do NOT belong to the Mennonite church. One day, a woman with her 3 children appeared before the church and it's elders. She had obviously been beaten badly. She announced to the church that because the beatings had gotten so bad and she was afraid for her children, she was filing for divorce. The Elders said they understood and were sorry but she was no longer welcome. God did NOT mean for us to live with violence. There is no such thing as pre-planning for that. You do NOT know what is in the other persons heart.

Posted by: Tammi at June 12, 2005 10:13 PM (F4oo1)

9 My first husband beat the crap out of me. He never touched me until I was about to give bith to our first son. He never showed violent tendencies at all in any situation. There are times when prior planning isn't a realistic expectation. I divorced him when my oldest son was 3. My only regret is not doing it 3 years earlier. If God wants to send me to hell for it, so be it - but I wasn't living my life never knowing when he was going to turn on me or my kids.

Posted by: Erin Monahan at June 12, 2005 11:11 PM (0Ea9a)

10 Erin's case isn't unique. Doemstic violence advocates will tell you that about half of abusers (both men and women) show no signs of violence before the abuse starts and many don't have an abusive background. In these cases, a trigger event, like the impending birth of a child, loss of a job, increased alcohol or drug consumption, etc. can set off the abuse, and there's no way to predict it. Sure, I get it. Get to know the person you plan to marry. Understand where they're coming from, and what they want from life. If you know they're bad, don't do it. That's great. Everyone should do that. But that doesn't work for everything. Abuse should never be tolerated.

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 13, 2005 12:46 AM (UNuTU)

11 I'm not saying that one should put up with abuse. But divorce is a sin. No matter why, it is. It's no worse a sin than any other sin, so it's not like you're branded for life (if you believe in Jesus and know that he died for our sins so that we can be forgiven). I'm not The One who will sit in judgement. But I know that anyone who has sinned needs only ask for forgiveness in their heart for that sin, and they will be forgiven. It's as simple as that. I also honestly believe that we are never given more than we can handle. I'm saying that if you are considering divorce, perhaps there's another option. Perhaps you can pray for the person you're considering divorcing and yourself. Perhaps you and they can seek a little healing power and there's an option other than divorce. I'll pray for you if you'd like me to.

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 06:07 AM (i5VG6)

12 I believe if getting married wasn't so easy, then it would help slow down the divorce rate. I'm divorced yes, but been married to the CSM for going on 13 years now. However, I believe that if it harder to get married more people would think about it. Why not require a "cooling period" or make people go to classes before getting a license?

Posted by: Jo at June 13, 2005 07:47 AM (RV2fQ)

13 Sure, that would help out -- but then you've got Las Vegas...

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 07:50 AM (/k+l4)

14 Practically off-topic at this point, but for both sexes: never let your spouse walk out the door without a kiss and an "I love you". Because you never know if you'll get the chance again...

Posted by: Harvey at June 13, 2005 09:12 AM (ubhj8)

15 Most certainly good advice, Harvey, if slightly depressing...guess that goes with the one about never going to be angry, eh?

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 09:57 AM (/k+l4)

16 Just to be hypothetical and argumentative The bible says "what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder" right? Anyone can marry anyone anymore, a marriage is no longer necessarily ordained by God. Sometimes, it's ordained by Elvis, and in my case, I'm completely convinced it was ordained by the god of ignorance and stupidity. Now I'm not trying to say that divorce is or isn't a sin, but I do believe there are marriages out there that are not ordained by God. And just as an aside question, if divorce is a sin, and a woman divorces her husband for abuse - is the abuse also a sin? And furthermore, to repent is to pray and say that one is sorry for the sin they committed - I doubt women getting out of abusive situations for themselves or their children are sorry for doing so. I'm sorry I married him, I'll never be sorry for divorcing him. Does that mean that I'm -by the religious standards you've presented me- doomed to hell?

Posted by: Erin Monahan at June 13, 2005 11:05 AM (0Ea9a)

17 Argumentative? Here? What, do you think this is a blog or something? Oh wait. It is. Right. Sure, there can be marriages that are not ordained by God -- but if it's a man and woman who believe it is at that time, then it is. And certainly, the abuse is a sin. That goes without saying. And I'm no priest, but since you're saying you're sorry for marrying him, I think that would somewhat apply as asking for forgiveness, but I'm not sure. This will probably anger you, but hopefully will not when I say that perhaps it would be best if you were sorry that things could not be worked out between you two and that the abuse would have stopped. Wouldn't that have been better than the divorce? I'm not saying a little change, but imagine if he suddenly went back to the way he was before you married him? The point of this thread was never to say that someone should stay in an abusive relationship. I'm just trying to say that leaving a marriage because "things are tough" is wrong.

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 11:12 AM (/k+l4)

18 Ogre please take the time to read this website carefully: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Religion/religion.htm One of the links is RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: GUIDELINES FOR PASTORS. http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Religion/guidelines.htm Some of the guidelines: DO encourage her to think about a safety plan: set aside some money; copies of important papers for her and children; a change of clothes hidden or in care of a friend if she decides to go to a shelter. Plan how to exit the house the next time the abuser is violent. Plan what to do about the children if they are at school; if they are asleep, etc. (This is both practical and helps her stay in touch with the reality of the abuserÂ’s violence. Safety planning is a process that is ongoing.) DONÂ’T encourage her to forgive him and take him back. And there are biblical references as to why this is correct. Please take the time to go through this site.

Posted by: VW Bug at June 13, 2005 01:08 PM (n+JjT)

19 That is why I think counseling before marriage should be manditory. To be married in a Catholic Church you have to go to marriage prep classes. 8 weeks of classes that talked about everything you could think of, yes even sex. They gave us a lot to talk about and they expected that you do the assignments that you were given. We did and learned a lot about each other before we were married. After the classes you took a compatability test and discussed those results with a marriage counselor. Then you met and talked with a married couple from the church. Then the priest took all that information and made a decision as to whether everyone thought you were compatable and should get married. If it was yes then you could get married in the church. If it was no they would discuss it with you, offer to hold off on the marriage and help with more cousling to see if maybe you could work out some issues, if the couple wouldn't go to more counsling the church would not marry them at any time. Plus the Catholic Church does not believe in divorce, so once married in the church you are married forever unless one spouse dies. You can never get married in the Catholic Church again unless an annullment is granted (which doesn't happen very often).

Posted by: Machelle at June 13, 2005 01:17 PM (ZAyoW)

20 Machelle... I know plenty of women who have been in physically abusive relationships that were married in the Catholic church and they went through all that counseling stuff. Read what Caltechgirl said above. There are triggers that can cause domestic abuse.

Posted by: Bou at June 13, 2005 01:26 PM (z7nbM)

21 I didn't really think this would turn into a thread that showed me as supporting domestic violence. I guess I imagined that some would turn it around on me, but that is what it is. Look, I'm not supporting domestic violence. Divorce is wrong. That's not my words. It doesn't really matter if you like it, it's true. Divorce is wrong. I'm not saying you should stay in a situation where you're being abused. But divorce is still wrong. As for the advice that you've pointed to, VW, I do have major problems with that. We are told, over and over again, to forgive people. We are told that we are not to judge them, but that God will judge them. I cannot imagine any Christian pastor honestly saying, "No, don't forgive him." Ever. If my pastor ever said that, he wouldn't be my pastor any more, because that's wrong, too. So yes, go with all the help, counseling, and meetings before you get married to AVOID divorce. I don't support wife-beating, but divorce is STILL wrong.

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 01:54 PM (/k+l4)

22 But you know Bou, those abusive situations are not what I am talking about. I am talking about people getting married knowing that if things don't work out they can just get a divorce. Way to many people today are just getting married to get married. To have the big fairytale wedding, etc, etc, etc. They don't think about the after, just the here and now. A lot of people don't know the difference between real love and "I think it's love". There is a big difference. Like Ogre is saying, to many people jump before thinking about what's on the other side of the hill. A lot people just don't think it's going to require hard work to keep a marriage going, and when hard work is called for they just run to the court and get divorced. Make it harder to get divorced. Make people go to counsling before a divorce to see if all they need is some help getting through the problems. I know a lot of people who got divorced because one wanted kids and the other didn't. That is something that should be discussed before even getting married. That's just stupid to go into a marriage not knowing the person well enough to not even know they don't want kids.

Posted by: Machelle at June 13, 2005 02:45 PM (ZAyoW)

23 lol Ogre, I didn't mean to be any part of making you look like a wife-beater-sympathizer. Sorry. Would I have rather that everything 'got better' and not gone through the divorce and subsequent 'stuff'? Of course. We have children together that have suffered, as kids of divorced parents do. Do I believe frivolous divorce is wrong? Absolutely, and I'm not even vaguely religious. If a couple has made a committment to one another it should be honored, and I believe frivolous marriage is just as wrong. Do I believe that women will stay in abusive marriage, at her own risk, and the risk of her children, for the sake of pleasing her pastor or her lord? Unfortunately, yes, I do. I guess I feel that God wouldn't want women or children to suffer at the hands of a husband who obviously isn't honoring the scriptural obligations of a husband, honor thy husband as he honors the lord... that's all I'm saying, you know? I don't think the lord would continue to ordain an abusive marriage, no matter the situation at the time of the wedding. And no people, Ogre doesn't think women deserve to be beaten - poor guy!

Posted by: Erin Monahan at June 13, 2005 02:51 PM (0Ea9a)

24 I think we're finally in a little more agreement, especially to the main point of the post: If you are someone who is considering a divorce because "the spark died," or "it's too hard," please reconsider. Thanks for the lively conversation and the many, many emails. I had no idea this topic would get so many people going so much. Really! Now why won't you people get this upset about taxes!?!

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 03:47 PM (/k+l4)

25 I completely agree with the gist of your post... that divorce is too easy and I NEVER said I didn't. If you look at my first comment, I was saying that I felt that abuse was an exception to the rule. In my world, infidelity isn't even an exception when there are children involved. My only issue has been that you 'seemed' to think it wrong for a woman to get divorced should she be a victim of abuse. And I... Just... Don't. And I don't think it's a sin either and I dont' care what scripture you quote. So... it is just a place you and I will always disagree. If I ever find out a friend of mine is being abused, I will always tell her to get the hell out right then and there and to never look back. I will not counsel her to pray about it or get counseling or try to stick it out to see if it works out in the end. NEVER. But, that is me.

Posted by: Bou at June 13, 2005 04:24 PM (z7nbM)

26 You never know how much people can change. I've been known, far in my past, to help such people as are being referred to here change their views on things. And I can imagine being put into a situation where I could be asked to help with that sort of thing again. And I do know that sometimes people (especially abusers) don't listen to reason. And I know what they do listen to. So yes, we'll disagree. Even in an abusive situation, I think divorce is a last resort. Sure, get away from the situation, take the kids away, physically remove yourself from the abuse, but then see if there's not a way to work things out. Always try.

Posted by: Ogre at June 13, 2005 04:48 PM (i5VG6)

27 I doubt that I could stay in my marriage in the case of adultery or abuse. Other than that, I completely agree with you Ogre. I am still a little green with the marriage thing since my 1st anniversary isn't until August-but, I put 6 years into the relationship before we took that leap. Both of my parents are on their 3rd marriage and I knew that I didn't want that for myself. I guess we more or less follow the tips you put up at the end of the post-but I think it is bigger than that. I have seen the pain my Mom went through (and my Dads too) and I chose to put more effort into choosing my spouse than any of them did. So far, my relationship hasn't taken much effort-just infinite patience and an ability to let stuff go.

Posted by: Ashley at June 13, 2005 11:50 PM (g7rdQ)

28 That's great to hear, Ashley, I truly wish you the best and many, many years of happiness in your marriage!

Posted by: Ogre at June 14, 2005 05:11 AM (i5VG6)

29 Thank you and same to you

Posted by: Ashley at June 14, 2005 02:50 PM (jWyC5)

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